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Courtesy of the Ruidoso High School Newspaper
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Riodosa High School Adds Thirteenth Grade

Effective immediately, Ruidoso High School is adding a thirteenth grade, required for completion before any students may graduate. The last minute decision bars all high school seniors from graduation, the first time in Ruidoso High history nobody will be graduating. All corresponding ceremonies have been cancelled and diplomas shredded.

The move comes after a recent study that showed high school seniors across the country were woefully unprepared for college. They lacked basic skills necessary to college success, such as persistent legible note taking, study habits, and critical thinking skills. Many college professors note they must waste time deprogramming a lot of bad habits built up by 4 years of high school. This new intermediary 13th grade is meant to teach these skills to seniors to bolster their chances of college success.

“A lot of college bound students are so focused on college as a means to an end, it’s ridiculous,” remarked one official at a prominent university. “They see it as the next step to a career. They were taught to do well in middle school so they can get into high school with a leg up so they could then get in to college so they can move on and get a job, so they could then raise a family, so they could finally retire and start enjoying themselves.”

The 13th grade is meant to be a transitional gap, wherein college prep is emphasized, but it also includes mandatory classes on enjoying various college activities. “One required credit will be in how to properly shotgun a beer and another will address important issues, such as proper hookup etiquette. In the 13th grade, going on spring break isn’t a holiday, it’s a homework assignment.” Success skills will cover such topics on “surviving on spare change after you blew all your money” (mooch), “proper attire for college students” (hoodies with the appropriate name of the University on the front), and how to properly handle drinks (liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.)

The move has many seniors disappointed. “I was like, totally wanting to go to college or something,” noted one particularly passionate student. All colleges are putting a one-year delay for students accepted to their universities, pending the completion of the 13th grade.